Similarities between babies and terrorists

1) They both have an agenda. Terrorists want to get the USA out of their country. Babies want food and attention.
2) Standard diplomatic channels have failed both groups. The U.N. and other government processes don't take terrorists very seriously, which provides a motive for them to resort to unconventional methods of persuasion (see #3). As for babies, they can't talk to, or understand adults. When babies politely ask for food and attention, we ignore them or say, "isn't he cute." Like the terrorists, this failure of normal conflict resolution channels leads babies to explore alternative ones.
3) Unconventional warfare tactics. Terrorists have airplanes and IEDs. Babies have a very loud screaming noise that is used to bring the enemy to their knees and scramble frantically around trying to figure out and give the baby what it wants. Babies have developed a highly dangerous explosive chemical warfare device known informally as the "poop bomb". Male babies have also experiemented with peeing in the enemy's face during diaper changes, although this sometimes backfires when they pee in their own face.

4)Neither respond to well-reasoned arguments. I had a long talk with James the other day about the necessity of taking breaks during long crying sessions as a way of improving endurance. You know, you've got to pace yourself if you are going to scream all night. But he didn't even take me seriously, and continued to scream at an unsustainable rate until falling asleep 30 minutes later

5) Persistence. I've often tried to distract James from crying through airplane rides, pep rallies (this is when I get in his grill and get him all pumped up to stop crying, kind of like the WWF wrestler pump up talks), and truck noises. These all work for only a short while. It reminds me of the short-lived cease fire agreements common in the middle east.