Question
I am doing homework at Panera because the library is closed. The homework is somewhat hard as it is, but the thing that is killing me is this. The girl sitting a few tables down is chewing gum loudly.
Will this type of public gum chewing ever be appropriately prosecuted, either in this life or the next?
posted by Laurie @ 3:13 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
I'm guilty. I admit it. I like to chew gum. But you Bankheads are also OCD about the gum chewing thing. I think you all have hypersensitive ears that pick up on mouth-sounds that no one else can hear. Once when Paul and I were engaged, he suddenly freaked out about my gum chewing and left me in the car in a 7-11 parking lot. True story. Another time, I was riding home from Moab with Johnny and Kara and Paul, when Johnny informed Paul that if I didn't stop chewing gum, he would drive the car over a cliff. I have since become ridiculously self-conscious in the presence of Bankheads and any type of food that requires chewing.
Anyhow, I think Panera is a yummy place to do homework. Tasty sandwiches, as long as you don't chew loudly.
I hate, I HATE, I HATE gum chewing (even more than Captain Hook hates Peter Pan). I think it should be punishable by caning. I had two particularly loud gum chewers next to me in my cubicle which prevented me from focusing for several weeks. Fortunately they have moved, although I really do miss their jovial company. Which poses a dilemma: when forced to choose between good company and sanity (e.g., a smacking free environment), which should one choose?
I like to chew gum. I'm chewing some right now! Mmmmmm, it's delicious. Smack smack smack.
I'm inspired to write a poem about chewing gum (Amy, as the most qualified to judge, please do).
(clear throat; begin)
Gum...oh tasty sticky substance of the gods,
With each bite, I imbibe your delicious juices, of cherry, mint, or spearment,
You not only freshen my breathe but help grind away my anxieties with your texture.
Let those who fail to appreciate your riches languish with soup, for I know you as life's perpetual fruit.
Rick,
That poem is HILARIOUS. Well done.
-paul
Rick, your poem is brilliant. I'm especially impressed with the slant rhyme of "soup/fruit." Have you thought about a beatnic adaptation, complete with bass player and black beret? Knowing that several Bankheads and IMABs have created killer poetry in the past, I'm wondering if we should have a poetry slam next time we're all together.
Are we cattle? Why not change the name "wrigley's" to cud? Additionally, the offense of chewing gum is not limited to the sound. One must tolerate the smell of bubble gum! I would rather smell the ass of an ass! However, I have been cursed with what Ashley Bankhead calls "Bankhead Breath." You all know what I mean. That acidic, moldy, stagnate, stomachy smell that haunts are mouths. I have had to chew gum more frequently to prevent others from wilting in my presence. I guess that means "Bankhead Breath" is worse than the ass of an ass.
Post a Comment
<< Home